WHEN IS IT TIME TO LEAVE A MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP?

I WOULD RATHER ADJUST MY LIFE TO YOUR ABSENCE THAN ADJUST MY BOUNDRIES TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR DISRESPECT”

Statistically speaking the number one reason for divorce in North America is infidelity, however I choose to argue this because it boils down to one word…..DISRESPECT. It is the source of all things that go wrong in a marriage.

Women will take so much crap from their husbands while asking for help and/or change in what has been going on in their lives. After so long they grow tired of not being heard or valued and they leave the relationship emotionally long before they physically leave it.

Men show they are finished with a relationship by ignoring their wife. They don’t speak to them much nor do they make plans with their wife. They spend a lot of time on their cell phones, watch tv or work crazy long hours if they aren’t hanging out with friends. They are not emotionally available to their wife.

To know when the marriage/relationship is definitely over can be difficult and overwhelming to say the least. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had a crystal ball that would tell us how to make important decisions like when is it the right time to get married or when is it the right time to leave the relationship?

Although we don’t have a physical object that reads an answer to us, we do have something called our ‘intuition’ or ‘gut feeling’. It’s a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious or analytic reasoning(definition) and it’s usually right. The art of using your intuition is learning how to listen to it. If your gut is telling you the relationship is over, then it’s time to move on.

Logically we know common causes people break up come from infidelity, substance abuse, physical or mental abuse, financial issues etc. However, while in the moment when emotions are involved knowing if it is time to call it quits or not is extremely hard, especially if you are being abused in any way. It seems simple enough on the outside looking in that one should definitely get out fast but living in survival mode makes it extremely hard to make that decision. The fear of what can happen next is crippling for any one. Fear of being yelled at, hit, kicked, strangled or stocked coupled with fear for the well being of your children during this time is enough to make you question if now is the time. Just the thought of how a spouse will react to one wanting separation is scary in itself. However eventually intuition and logic will win out…hopefully sooner than later.

Sometimes marriages/relationships end for much less dramatic reasons yet bare equal weight. For example you both simply grow apart. You may realize your values and beliefs are completely different and the relationship has no future.

Others just get bored in the relationship and call it done but in most of these cases the break up is mutual and done in a peaceful manner.

When you are living in a situation where you are constantly thinking about how happy the past was in comparison to the now and it has been a prolonged spell of unhappiness, you likely are not wrong in thinking the end is near. If the fighting and bashing each other out weighs to need to fix the problems, it is a good time to get out. After all it gets old trying to keep score.

I was asked by a woman considering leaving her husband of only 3 years, “when did you know it was time to leave your marriage?” My response was this…..The moment I knew my first marriage was over was when I realized I felt nothing emotionally. I felt no love, no hate, not anything, just silence. That’s also when realized that I would rather live alone with hope…then stay in a marriage with no hope.

I leave you with this…..think about the first moment you felt disrespected by your spouse. That was the beginning of the end.

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